the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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