remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
