Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
