If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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