Jerry, you need to find god
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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