I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
