i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
