Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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