Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
