If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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