also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
