the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize