Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm too high and old for this...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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