i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
