I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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