I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just found puke in my bra..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
