just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
