Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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