I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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