And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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