guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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