i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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