i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
