I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
