I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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