How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
