Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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