Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
