dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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