I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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