Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
