sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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