at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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