make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
