It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
