I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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