coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize