He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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