i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
