I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
