Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
and you fell through a lawn chair
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
jump out the window naked night went bad
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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