hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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