don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
