Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
