I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
