hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
