I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
