i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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