He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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