i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
