I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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