I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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