she smelled like a LAN party
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
