I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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