the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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