i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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