NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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