Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
