Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
