I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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