I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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