take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
