Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
