Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
