Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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